Dorothy and the others ran and ran. They ran until the pumpkin & truffle & treat patch disappeared behind the horizon, ran until their chests heaved great big breaths, ran until sweat dotted their brows, then they ran some more.
It was only when they came across a crashed sleigh that they stopped. The big red sled looked as if it made a crash landing, it’s bottom skis gouged into the dirt before the entire rig tipped. But there was more. A dog wearing antlers lie in the middle of the road, on their back with their paws in the air, and the little reindeer wasn’t moving.
“Oh, no!” said Dorothy. “He must have lost control and crashed. Come on, Toto. Come on, everyone.”
Dorothy couldn’t be sure how much distance they put between themselves and the Madman but when she looked around she found they appeared to be in a vastly different world. Along the road were patches of grickle-grass, long and grickly and swaying to a wind that carried sour hints. Then there were the Truffula trees, long and spindly, with their striped trunks and their colorful pompom foliage. And if the strange flora weren’t convincing, it didn’t matter. Her heart wouldn’t let her pass the dog by. What if that were Toto? she thought. So she did what she’d want any other person to do if they saw one of human’s best friends in need.
They all ran to the dog’s aid. But as soon as Dorothy checked to see if he was still breathing, the dog got up. He even barked, as if to say, ‘You shall not pass!’
“Good boy, Max! Just like we drew it up.”
Dorothy and the others turned to the hidden voice behind them. It came from a hairy green creature dressed as Santa Clause, who was now, blocking the road behind them.
“Who are you? said Scarecrow. “And what’s the meaning of this?”
The yeti, who looked like he fell into a bowl of matcha powder, straightened his shoulders and pointed to himself with an air of delight. “Why, I’m the Grinch.” Then he turned sour. “And this a stickup! What? You’ve never been robbed before?”
“Well, I don’t see how you’re going to win, Mister Grinch,” said Dorothy. “There’s four of us, plus Toto, and only one of you, plus Max.”
But the Grinch didn’t seem worried. Even as Lion pushed up his sleeves and told the Grinch to ‘put ‘em up’, the green creature just grinned wide and satisfied. He pulled out a remote and pressed an oversized red button. Out from behind the Truffula trees and up from the thickets of grickle-grass, all sorts of Seussian weapons appeared. There was an eight-nozzled elephant-toted boom blitz, a triple-sling-jigger, and a bitsy big-boy boomero and they all took aim at Dorothy and the others. And if they tried to run, there were even jigger-rock-snatchems set up in the fields of grickle-grass. Hiding. Waiting.
“Please, Mister Grinch,” began Dorothy. “We don’t want any trouble. Take whatever you want. We’re only trying to get to Christmas and we really don’t need anything other than each other.”
But the notion only made the Grinch grouchy.
“Of course, you only need your friends! You think I don’t know what Christmas is all about? I stole Christmas back in 1957, you know? Then again in 1966. Once more in 2000, then again in 2018.” the Grinch rested a grinchy hand over his chest. “The meaning of Christmas is fresh in this overly-sized heart.” Then he jutted a grinchy green finger at Dorothy. “So don’t go trying to tell me what Christmas is all about!”
“Can you please rob us already!” said Tin Man. “We really must be going. There’s a Madman on the loose!”
“Don’ be so pushy!” said the Grinch. “Robbery, is an artform. Besides, this might take awhile. Max, go on and play with Toto. But stay where I can see you!”
While Max and Toto ran off into the grickle-grass, the Grinch pulled out a table, a dining cloth, plates, cutlery and laid out a whole meal of Who-hash, Who-roast-beast, and Who-pudding. Dorothy and the others protested, but the Grinch insisted that he wouldn’t let them go unless they joined him for a bite. During which, he explained what he would require from them.
New Year’s Resolutions.
While he still stole Christmas from time to time, the Grinch looked for other forms of employment. And he had to admit, his most transferable skill was grand theft. So, he sat and wondered inside Mt. Crumpet, conversing with his echo as to what he could possibly steal that would help people. It was during one spirited argument, that they arrived at an answer, or rather, the answer arrived when all of Whoville’s New Year’s resolutions came crashing through the garbage chute into his living room. The Grinch, however, didn’t see garbage. He saw wads of wasted potential and a business opportunity.
“They were taking their resolutions for granted!” said the Grinch as he carved a second helping of Who-roast-beast and passed the slices around. “Unacceptable. With all their potential? I couldn’t allow it.”
So the Grinch did what he did best. And on New Year’s Eve, he snuck into Whoville and stole every last resolution laid out neatly on each Who’s nightstand. Yet, the next morning the Who’s didn’t seem to care. They simply acted as if they never existed. Next year, he let the Who’s throw them out themselves, then interviewed them to determine why they crumpled up their resolutions and tossed them into the trash compactor so quickly. The answer was always the same.
‘Too much, too soon, too fast.’ The Who’s were underprepared!
“Believe me, stealing your resolutions isn’t what I want,” the Grinch shook his head and raised in hands in surrender. “But it’s what you need. And don’t worry, your resolutions will be safe with me. I’ll even take them back to my workshop, fix ‘em up, shine ‘em, make ‘em look nice and pretty and approachable. In the mean time, you’ll need something that will give you a boost, help you focus, spark your metabolism, pack you with antioxidants, vitamins, and minerals! What you need …” the Grinch reached into his sac and pulled out a green container with his face plastered on the side and held it as if he was on a billboard, “… are Grinch Greens.”
“Please, Mister Grin—” began Dorothy, but the Grinch continued on.
“Grinch Greens. A specially formulated powder designed to help the old you, help the new you.”
“Mister Grinch, we really should be—” Dorothy tried again, but the Grinch interrupted her.
“Did I mention that they’ll help your heart grow three sizes?”
“Three sizes!” said Tin Man. He snatched the jar.
“Fantastic. Now,” the Grinch took out a notepad. “Name and resolution.”
“Tin Man. And I want to start a dance academy.”
The Grinch nodded, “ Mm. Admirable. Look forward to helping you, squeaky. The rest of you! Eat a scoop and tell me your resolutions. Come on, you don’t have all day. That Madman will be here any minute.”
But Dorothy and the others hadn’t been thinking about their New Year’s Resolutions. And the anxiety caused by the reminder that the Madman could be here any minute didn’t help. The hesitation was enough for the Grinch to take action.
“Don’t want to tell me? I have my methods.” the Grinch pulled out a Thinker-Extractor from his sac and forced it onto Dorothy’s head as she struggled. The helmet had all sorts of spinning gadgets and beeping gizmos. When the Grinch strapped it onto Dorothy’s head, a nozzle sprayed water in her face and two steam whistles screamed by her ears. The answer came to Dorothy instantly. To Scarecrow and Lion too.
“I want to write a Broadway show!”
“I’m going to compete on Jeopardy!”
“I’m going to bring back the 80’s and open a retro clothing shoppe!”
The Grinch scribbled the resolutions on his notepad, tucked it into his sac and pulled out three more jars of Grinch Greens. Relieved the robbery was finally over, Dorothy tucked them into her basket beside the turkey dinner, still as fragrant as when she packed it.
“Now, get out of here! There’s another shmuck coming down the road. Max and I have to get ready to trap him.”
It was the Madman. Free from the shackles of the gingerbread army and sea of vines, bellowing with rage as he charged down Candy Cane Road.
“Mister Grinch,” said Dorothy. “Please, you have to hold him here as long as you can.”
“I can only hold him as long as it takes him to give me his resolutions. I don’t make the rules.”
“You’re a robber! Of course, you make the rules.”
“Well in that case, still no. As soon as I get what I want, then he’s free to go. Now scram and enjoy your Grinch Greens! Oh, and careful in the town ahead. Those folks are really paranoid these days.”
The Grinch dove behind the sleigh, the Seussian weapons dropped down into the grickle-grass and behind the Truffula trees, and Max played dead in the middle of Candy Cane Road.
Dorothy and the gang were on their way to Christmas again. Yet, there was a new worry clawing in the back of Dorothy’s mind.
What were the folks in the upcoming town paranoid about?
