Candy Cane Road: A Short Christmas Story

Candy Cane Road: Dorothy's Untold Christmas Story

Episode #1: There’s No Place Like Christmas

“Follow the Yellow Brick Road, follow the Yellow Brick Road,” sang Tin Man as he danced toward the kitchen. It was the same dance he always danced on his way to sneak an early dessert: the Squeaky Shuffle. “Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the Yellow Brick Road!”

It was like any other shuffle, only Tin Man’s joints squeaked with every kick, pop, twist and untwist. A sure sign of much needed greasing.

He tilted his head back, raised his oiling pot, and guzzled a healthy serving of turkey grease. As the warmth spread from his throat to his chest and down his back, he wiggled the lubricant outward into his hips, knees, and elbows, and finally out to his tin tips. Then it was back to business.

“Because, because, because, because, because! Because of the wonderful things grease does!”

“Good tune,” said Scarecrow from the blue velvet armchair, positioned safely from the fire of crackling cedar. He conducted the gramophone with his pencil while he considered how to fill in the other half of his sudoku puzzle. “Never gets old.”

It’s been 85 years since the Yellow Brick Road Gang met on their fateful adventure. And every year since, they booked a lodge in the Rocky Mountains for a few weeks after Canadian Thanksgiving to eat turkey, laugh, and reminisce about the good ol’ days. And for some, the good times kept on skipping along and singing a song on down that witch-free road.

But while Scarecrow teased his brain, Tin Man danced his heart content, and Lion rested his nerve, they knew this Canadian Thanksgiving was going to be different. Scarecrow could feel it in his hay. Tin Man his bolts. Lion his dreams. There was a storm brewing, in fact, the storm was out getting cranberries as it were, and it was only a matter of time before that storm swept back through the front door.

For better or for worse.

“I’m leaving.” said Dorothy as she slammed the door behind her and Toto.

Scarecrow’s sudoku jumped from his grip and into the fireplace. Tin Man was kicking his legs to make it look as if he was running on the spot, when he froze like a deer in headlights. Both barely had time to regain their bearings before the pair of glittering slippers stormed into the kitchen, packed their basket, and idled beneath the timber archway connecting the two rooms.

Dorothy Gale stood locked, stocked, and heels at the ready. “Who’s coming with me?”

“Leaving?” Scarecrow rose from velvet armchair, the hay above his eyes pressed into a furrow, his tone was even and cool. “But where?”

“Nevermind, where! What about reminiscing about our adventure?” began Tin Man, then the desperation rushed through him. “And … and … and Halloween! What about the parade of Dorothys, Totos, Scarecrows, Lions, and Tin Men in our honor?”

“Well, I’m glad you asked, Tinny.” Dorothy stated as if she expected the question to come up. She paced in front of the fireplace. Toto followed her step for step. “Toto and I decided we don’t want to be involved this year. There’ll be enough Dorothys, Totos, Scarecrows, Tin Men, and Lions to go around. Enough to line the Yellow Brick Road all the way to the Emerald City and back again.” Dorothy reached down and took Toto into her arms. “And while they’re there, we’ll be at Christmas.”

Tin Man and Scarecrow looked to one another. It was exactly what they feared. They had only just arrived, hadn’t even got through the Wizard of Oz record once, and Dorothy was ready to leave. Needless to say, it wasn’t part of the plan.

Tin Man took a deep breath and flushed the nervous air out. “Come, Dorothy.” He tapped the seat of the velvet armchair.  “Please, sit. Tell us what this is really about.”

“This IS what this is really about!” Dorothy released Toto and picked up her pace. “Halloween has changed, Tinny, and not for the better! Zombie Dorothy, Terminator Dorothy, and of course, my personal favorite, Hibachi Chef Dorothy! I mean, what’s next? Zombie-Terminator-Hibachi Chef Dorothy?”

Dorothy’s knuckles were white, her breaths fast and shallow. And to Scarecrow and Tin Man the reaction was understandable. It was the way of the new world after all. Scarebirds. Tin Women. No one was happy wearing original costumes anymore. There was always an added twist.

“It’s like … it’s like I’m not good enough anymore.” Tears welled in Dorothy’s eyes but she held her chin high and refused to let them fall.

Tin Man, however, had grown sensitive over the years, he was mostly heart and a bit of tin after all, and just the sight of his old friend in pain caused grease to leak down his cheeks as if an O-ring snapped around his eye. In between sobs he agreed to go to Christmas.

Scarecrow pulled a pack of tissues from his front pocket and handed them to his old tin friend. “We understand your pain, Dorothy,” said the man of hay, “but can we even go to Christmas?”

“Why not?” said Dorothy. “Everyone is already advertising. Amazon. Walmart. Even that cute little online store called The Tea & Spice Shoppe has their Christmas teas up. If they can magically transport their stores to Christmas, then there’s no reason why we can’t.”

Scarecrow rubbed his chin and nodded. There was a certain logic to Dorothy’s thinking, but still, he was reluctant to vouch for the idea until everyone’s opinion had been heard.

“Well, go wake Lion. It’d be awfully inconsiderate of us to decide without him. I’ll help Tin Man get cleaned up and re-greased.”

Dorothy celebrated as if it were Christmas morning. Truthfully, she never expected Scarecrow to even consider going along. He was very strict about tradition. As for Tin Man, well, she knew she could persuade him by pulling the right strings. And though Scarecrow still wasn’t sold on skipping Halloween for Christmas, she was confident she could bring Lion to her side too.

Dorothy leaned into the stairwell and called up to Lion. When she didn’t hear a reply or the weight of the floorboards creaking beneath his paws she and Toto ran upstairs and searched his bedroom. When they didn’t find his mane resting on the pillow, they searched all the other rooms, calling out with an inquisitive ‘Lion?’. A moment later, the glittering slippers thundered back down the steps.

“He’s gone.” But Scarecrow and Tin Man didn’t seem to hear her. They were busy whispering. What about, Dorothy couldn’t hear, but she was more concerned about what she had found. She called out again and they turned.

“Lion’s gone.” Dorothy held up what she found. “He left us a letter.”

“Well, what does it say?” Scarecrow came to Dorothy’s side as she unfolded the parchment.

Dear Dorothy, Toto, Scare, and Tinny,

I’m sorry for leaving without telling you, but I was offered the opportunity of a lifetime. A chance to really test my courage. I hope you’ll understand.

See you at Christmas,

Lion.

Dorothy found it awfully vague and it wasn’t like Lion to up and leave without telling anyone. But to Scarecrow it seemed the answer was clear.

“Well, there you have it!” said Scarecrow. “It’s settled.”

“Have what?” said Dorothy. “What’s settled?”

“Christmas, of course! Right there. At the end of the letter.” Scarecrow underlined it with a straw finger. “‘See you at Christmas’. Lion went to Christmas! See!”

“I don’t think that’s …” began Dorothy before she realized her mistake and cut herself off. “Yes … I mean, of course! See you at Christmas. That’s exactly what Lion means. He’s already at Christmas, waiting for us.”

It was a ridiculous mistake. One Dorothy certainly didn’t expect Scarecrow to make. Yet, he had already rejoined Tin Man as if he was ready to go without contemplating the idea any further. And he was. Tradition or not, they were ditching Halloween!

“Come on, Dorothy!” Tin Man waved her over.

Without hesitating a moment longer, she picked up Toto and joined her friends on the bear rug in the center of the lodge. Scarecrow wiggled a straw arm into the nook of her left and the Tin Man locked a clunky arm with her right. And that was it. There was only one question stopping her from escaping Halloween.

“Scare, can you calculate how many times I’ll have to click my heels to get to Christmas?”

Unfortunately, it wasn’t just Halloween that changed. After 85 years of the Warlock & Witch Reserve’s inflationary policy, as well as the accumulative effect of market regulations and restrictions, among other considerations, one heel-click was only worth about 0.04 of one now. It was the simple consequence of warlocks and witches believing they could pull magic out of thin air without consequence.

So while travelling from Oz to Kansas only cost three heel-clicks in 1939, and even though the distance was the same, to go from Canada to Christmas cost much more today.

Scarecrow extended several straw fingers as he ran the numbers. “It’s going to cost around one hundred and three clicks.”

“One-hundred and three!” Dorothy looked at her slippers. “Why, I’ll have no heels left by the time I’m finished!”

Her face soured at the thought. She wasn’t even sure she had one hundred and three clicks in her ruby slippers. But there wasn’t time to wonder. This was her chance. And she wasn’t going to give Scarecrow or Tin Man an opportunity to change their mind. The time it would take her to click her heels would be time enough.

Click.

“There’s no place like Christmas.”

Click.

“There’s no place like Christmas.”

Click.

“There’s no place like Christmas.”

Yet, it all happened so fast. And Dorothy, desperate to escape Halloween hadn’t taken a moment to really consider what transpired. It was no more than five minutes ago that she stormed through the door in hopes of convincing Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Lion that this Halloween would be best spent at Christmas, when suddenly, it transformed into them convincing her to go.

Dread crawled up her back, like a spider that crawled towards the center of her web where her prey lay trapped. But it was too late. She had clicked her heels and spoken the magic words for the one hundredth and third time. There was no going back.

The room began to spin, the fireplace, the blue velvet armchair, and the rest of the lodge became a whirlwind and three seconds later, it stopped.

“We’re here!” Tin Man and Scarecrow rushed out the front door. Toto barked along behind them. Dorothy swallowed the sudden dread she felt, and told herself it was nothing more the excitement and anxiety of going to away. And what was there to be worried about? She was going to Christmas. Better yet, she was at Christmas!

When she stepped out the front door she was struck with a chill breeze carrying the scent of decaying leaves. But not Christmas. There wasn’t even a snowflake to be found. In fact, there was nothing resembling Christmas at all. Nothing except the long winding road that stretched from horizon to horizon. Nothing but a road of red and white bricks, arranged in long, alternating stripes, and next to it, a sign, with five words.

Welcome to Candy Cane Road’

 

 Episode #2: The Road to Christmas

 To their left, the red and white road twisted and curled through a forest of maples and larches painted in their autumn colors, and evergreens that decorated the ground with cones. To their right, the red and white road wound through a plain of wheat, dried and ready for harvest, then rose up onto a Hallowed Hill. Atop was a tree with its gnarled limbs reaching up to the sky like the hand of the undead reaching out of its tomb.

Dorothy shivered. She didn’t know where the ruby slippers had taken her, but one thing she knew for certain was that it wasn’t Christmas.

“I was afraid of this.” Scarecrow shook his head and pointed. “Not even magic could take us directly to Christmas. It could only drop us off on Candy Cane Road!”

It was the only evidence they had. The thin pole with a golden top, a swirling body of red and white, and a third pole that jutted out perpendicularly and held a red flag with curly, white writing.

‘Welcome to Candy Cane Road’

“And what exactly is Candy Cane Road?” said Dorothy. “And more importantly, where is Candy Cane Road? And most importantly, where does Candy Cane Road lead to?”

“To Christmas, of course!” said Scarecrow. “Where else would a road that looks like that lead?”

Scarecrow explained that he had read all about Candy Cane Road. Like how characters from all sorts of places took the road to Christmas each year. How the stripes got thinner the closer to Christmas one came. And how the road was actually one big, three hundred and sixty-five day loop. But for all the man of hay did know, there was one thing he didn’t.

“How do we know which way to go?” said Dorothy.

“Well,” said Scarecrow, “if Candy Cane Road is one big loop, then no matter which way we go we’ll arrive at Christmas.”

“That’s wonderful, but we have no idea where on Candy Cane Road we are! For all we know, Christmas could be just over that hill.” Dorothy pointed to the undead tree, then jutted a thumb over her shoulder, “or 364 days that way. And I’d much rather get to Christmas before it’s summer again.”

And as if the road itself was listening, two poles with golden tops and bodies of swirling white and red popped out of the ground. One to their left, toward the forest. One to their right, toward the hill. Each waving their message.

‘This way 318 Days to Christmas’

‘This way 47 Days to Christmas’

It was much farther than Dorothy would have liked but the longer they stood around talking about it, the longer the trip would take. And what really mattered, was they knew which way to go. All that was left, was the going. That is, unless you’ve travelled a road like Candy Cane Road before.

“Well, I suppose we should start walking,” said Dorothy.

“Walk?” said Tin Man. “There’s a long road that winds through a magical land, and you want to walk?”

A wide smile stretched from ear to ear as Tin Man stuck out a crooked arm. Dorothy couldn’t help but smile as she looped her arm through. It wasn’t Christmas, but feeling like they were back in Oz was just as good.

“The old fashioned way then!” she said. Scarecrow tucked an arm through hers on her left, Tin Man on her right. “On three. One … two … three!”

Follow the Candy Cane Road.

With every thirty paces, the bricks switched from red to white to red again.

Follow the Candy Cane Road.

As they passed through the fields of wheat, they broke apart, they couldn’t resist reaching out to graze the tips.

Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the Candy Cane Road.

As they reached the base of the hill, they came back together, locked arms and ascended. And when they topped the hill, they stopped beneath the grisly tree. Thinking now that it may have been a warning for what lay beyond.

As Candy Cane Road descended the hill, it disappeared beneath a great green mass of tangled vines. The green limbs crawled, dove, and wound, over, under, and around one another, til’ there was no telling where the plants originated or whether it was one plant with thousands of limbs. And it was only at the far end of the patch, near the horizon, that the bricks reappeared and continued on their way to Christmas.

“I don’t suppose those vines are alive,” said Dorothy. “You remember those trees back in Oz, don’t you, Scare?”

Scarecrow nodded. “Only one way to find out.”

Up close the tangled vines were much less intimidating. There were even openings where the red and white bricks of Candy Cane Road were peeking out beneath the creeping plant. Just in case, Dorothy and the others made sure they didn’t step on the vines. They hopped from opening to opening. The task becoming more difficult the closer to the center they came. It was only when they stopped for a short rest that they noticed how peculiar the great sea of vines really was.

“Pumpkins!” said Dorothy.

“& Truffles!” said Scarecrow.

“& Treats” said Tin Man.

It was too good to be true. Growing from the vines were more than pumpkins. Truffles grew in tiny clusters and tasted like chocolate and walnuts. Jellybeans grew in oval pods, ready to burst at the slightest touch, and tasted like apple crumble, while lollipops dotted the vines like flowers whose petals swirled with flavors of maple and smoke. There were even small mugs, steaming with the scents of apple cider, chocolate and cinnamon, and pumpkin spice, resting precariously on the writhing limbs. Though the mugs were hardly big enough to hold much more than a thimble full of liquid. Dorothy was so distracted by the all the goodies she didn’t notice who the mugs belonged to.

“Hey, watch yourself!”

“Oh my!” said Dorothy. By her feet was a gingerbread man with a basket of freshly harvested truffles & treats hung on his arm. “I’m terribly sorry, mister. I had no idea I’d find you here. In a pumpkin patch nonetheless.”

“It’s a pumpkin & truffle & treat patch. Can’t you see, lady?” the gingerbread man took a moment to wipe his eyebrows off and redraw the red icing in a deep furrow. “Sheesh, can’t a gingerbread find some peace and tranquility before the holiday rush?”

Dorothy was flabbergasted by the gingerbread man’s tone. They never meant to intrude. Besides, it was the pumpkin & truffle & treat patch that grew over Candy Cane Road. Not the other way around. She had half a mind to give the attitude right back but the man of bread and ginger wasn’t done.

“Hey, you overstuffed bag of hay!” the gingerbread man cocked a lollipop back and let it fly. “Put my house down!”

Scarecrow was holding a pumpkin up to better admire the carving when the lollipop struck and stuck to the hay sprouting from his head. It stuck much the same way one might wear a flower. But he didn’t notice the addition anymore than he noticed what was happening inside the pumpkin he held. Inside a gingerbread wife and child screamed until their dough throats turned raw. The décor, crafted from the walls that were carved out to make the door and windows, tumbled and slid. On three occasions the cookies were nearly crumbled. And the chaos only continued.

“Watch where you’re stepping!”

A truffle struck Tin Man in the chest. The impact wasn’t much but the surprise was enough to knock him off-balance, forcing him to step on a vine. It hissed and writhed beneath his heel. “Terribly sorry!”

“Eat me, you oversized tea pot!” More truffles rained forth and pinged off the Tin Man’s body like droplets on a tin roof. “Take some responsibility for those clunky feet of yours!”

As the barrage ceased, the Tin Man’s lips quivered and his eyes welled with grease. “Clunky!”

Dorothy rushed to Tin Man’s side as quickly as the hazardous and rude terrain would allow, and took him by the hand before they were all swimming in turkey grease. She realized that these gingerbread families were just trying to get away, she wanted to explain that they didn’t mean to disturb their holiday, that she and her friends were just trying to get away too, but they didn’t want to impose any longer. Not when it was clear by their icy glares that they were unwelcome.

So, with the far edge of the pumpkin & truffle & treat patch in sight, they ventured onward, taking care not to step on the vines, carved homes, or families of gingerbreads picking truffles and treats. But the chaos was only getting started.

“AHHH!”

Dorothy, Toto, Scarecrow, and Tin Man turned and watched as Lion charged down the Hallowed Hill.

When the 80’s left, Lion stayed behind. He bought up every neon wind suit that went on sale. He also got a custom pair of Air Jordan’s to match. He didn’t care what the current trends were and he wasn’t trying to bring the fashion back. He simply liked the vibe and wore it proudly.

Lion hopped through the pumpkin & truffle & treat patch with the same grace his permed mane flowed over his shoulders with. Screams filled the air as gingerbread families ran for cover from the turquoise terror that danced above, yet in all his haste his Air Jordan’s didn’t squish a single home or vine.

“Run.” Lion’s voice was hoarse and ragged as he rested his paws on his knees and tried to catch his breath. “Run!”

“Well, it’s good to see you too, Lion,” said Scarecrow, hands pressed on his hips. “Especially after you up and left without anything but a lousy note! I sure hope this once in a lifetime opportunity is what you said it is. I’d say you owe us an explanation.”

“There’s no time! We have to run. He’s coming!” A roar echoed in the distance. A roar that made the hair on Dorothy’s neck stand. Toto’s too. Lion held his tail close like a security blanket. “That was him! The Madman!”

“Quit your groveling!” said Scarecrow. “This is unbecoming of a King.”

“You don’t understand. He’s a certified crazy person.” Lion gripped Scarecrow and brought his face to his own. “He showed me the certificate!”

Dorothy didn’t know what to make of the situation but the roar and the look in Lion’s eyes was enough to make her second guess about coming to Christmas. She was trying to get away from Halloween, but now it seemed she and the others had found themselves in a real-life horror story, filled with unforgiving gingerbread families and now, a roaring Madman.

“But why is this Madman after you?” said Dorothy.

“There was no other way! No one bold enough to protect everyone from his Madness!” Lion took Dorothy’s hands in his. “Oh, Dorothy, you should have seen it. The violence, the horror! And he wanted to spread it during Christmas!”

“Slow down, Lion.” Dorothy shook her head. “You’re not making any sense. Spread what?”

But there was no time for explanations. Atop the Hallowed Hill, a silhouette appeared with a murder of crows that circled above.

“Dorothy, get us out of here!” said Lion, his voice thick with desperation. Dorothy had never seen Lion so terrified. He was so scared it made Toto, Scarecrow and Tin Man latch onto her in hopes of escape.

Without another word, they were on their way.

Dorothy cradled Toto. Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Lion held onto Dorothy.

Click.

There’s no place like home.

Click.

There’s no place like home.

Click.

There’s no place like home.

Dorothy’s slippers sparked and fizzled but the pumpkin & truffle & treat patch stood still and the glitter of the ruby slippers faded. Their magic was dead. Gone. Vanished. Dorothy and the Yellow Brick Road Gang were stranded.

The Madman charged into the pumpkin & truffle & treat patch with an enraged bellow. As he stomped, the vines hissed and writhed, pumpkins caved in, and screams of horror and names of loved ones filled the air.

“Gingdra! Gingie!”

Cries and shouts for help escaped the mess of fleshy rubble. The Madman stopped to witness the carnage he create, he reached down to seize one of his victims when the wrath of the gingerbread men and of the patch fell upon him.

Truffles and lollipops became projectiles, exploding and sticking on impact. Vines turned to whips and lassos, lashing and tying the Madman down. It was the chance Dorothy and the gang needed.

“Run!” said Lion. Dorothy, Scarecrow, and Tin Man sprung into action, hopping through the last of the pumpkin & truffle & treat patch, back to the safety of the Candy Cane Road and onward toward Christmas. There was no telling how long the gingerbread men and the pumpkin & truffle & treat patch could restrain the thrashing lunatic. All they could do was run, and hope they made it to Christmas before the Madman caught up. “Nothing can stop us from saving Christmas now!”

But as the patch drifted into the horizon behind them, a pole with a flashing golden head and a swirling body of red and white burst from the ground with a new message. One that the fleeing group would never read or prepare for.

‘Warning! Stickup Ahead!’

 

Episode #3: A Green New Resolution!

Dorothy and the others ran and ran. They ran until the pumpkin & truffle & treat patch disappeared behind the horizon, ran until their chests heaved great big breaths, ran until sweat dotted their brows, then they ran some more.

It was only when they came across a crashed sleigh that they stopped. The big red sled looked as if it made a crash landing, it’s bottom skis gouged into the dirt before the entire rig tipped. But there was more. A dog wearing antlers lie in the middle of the road, on their back with their paws in the air, and the little reindeer wasn’t moving.

“Oh, no!” said Dorothy. “He must have lost control and crashed. Come on, Toto. Come on, everyone.”

Dorothy couldn’t be sure how much distance they put between themselves and the Madman but when she looked around she found they appeared to be in a vastly different world. Along the road were patches of grickle-grass, long and grickly and swaying to a wind that carried sour hints. Then there were the Truffula trees, long and spindly, with their striped trunks and their colorful pompom foliage. And if the strange flora weren’t convincing, it didn’t matter. Her heart wouldn’t let her pass the dog by. What if that were Toto? she thought. So she did what she’d want any other person to do if they saw one of human’s best friends in need.

They all ran to the dog’s aid. But as soon as Dorothy checked to see if he was still breathing, the dog got up. He even barked, as if to say, ‘You shall not pass!’

“Good boy, Max! Just like we drew it up.”

Dorothy and the others turned to the hidden voice behind them. It came from a hairy green creature dressed as Santa Clause, who was now, blocking the road behind them.

“Who are you? said Scarecrow. “And what’s the meaning of this?”

The yeti, who looked like he fell into a bowl of matcha powder, straightened his shoulders and pointed to himself with an air of delight. “Why, I’m the Grinch.” Then he turned sour. “And this a stickup! What? You’ve never been robbed before?”

“Well, I don’t see how you’re going to win, Mister Grinch,” said Dorothy. “There’s four of us, plus Toto, and only one of you, plus Max.”

But the Grinch didn’t seem worried. Even as Lion pushed up his sleeves and told the Grinch to ‘put ‘em up’, the green creature just grinned wide and satisfied. He pulled out a remote and pressed an oversized red button. Out from behind the Truffula trees and up from the thickets of grickle-grass, all sorts of Seussian weapons appeared. There was an eight-nozzled elephant-toted boom blitz, a triple-sling-jigger, and a bitsy big-boy boomero and they all took aim at Dorothy and the others. And if they tried to run, there were even jigger-rock-snatchems set up in the fields of grickle-grass. Hiding. Waiting.

“Please, Mister Grinch,” began Dorothy. “We don’t want any trouble. Take whatever you want. We’re only trying to get to Christmas and we really don’t need anything other than each other.”

But the notion only made the Grinch grouchy.

“Of course, you only need your friends! You think I don’t know what Christmas is all about? I stole Christmas back in 1957, you know? Then again in 1966. Once more in 2000, then again in 2018.” the Grinch rested a grinchy hand over his chest. “The meaning of Christmas is fresh in this overly-sized heart.” Then he jutted a grinchy green finger at Dorothy. “So don’t go trying to tell me what Christmas is all about!”

“Can you please rob us already!” said Tin Man. “We really must be going. There’s a Madman on the loose!”

“Don’ be so pushy!” said the Grinch. “Robbery, is an artform. Besides, this might take awhile. Max, go on and play with Toto. But stay where I can see you!”

While Max and Toto ran off into the grickle-grass, the Grinch pulled out a table, a dining cloth, plates, cutlery and laid out a whole meal of Who-hash, Who-roast-beast, and Who-pudding. Dorothy and the others protested, but the Grinch insisted that he wouldn’t let them go unless they joined him for a bite. During which, he explained what he would require from them.

New Year’s Resolutions.

While he still stole Christmas from time to time, the Grinch looked for other forms of employment. And he had to admit, his most transferable skill was grand theft. So, he sat and wondered inside Mt. Crumpet, conversing with his echo as to what he could possibly steal that would help people. It was during one spirited argument, that they arrived at an answer, or rather, the answer arrived when all of Whoville’s New Year’s resolutions came crashing through the garbage chute into his living room. The Grinch, however, didn’t see garbage. He saw wads of wasted potential and a business opportunity.

“They were taking their resolutions for granted!” said the Grinch as he carved a second helping of Who-roast-beast and passed the slices around. “Unacceptable. With all their potential? I couldn’t allow it.”

So the Grinch did what he did best. And on New Year’s Eve, he snuck into Whoville and stole every last resolution laid out neatly on each Who’s nightstand. Yet, the next morning the Who’s didn’t seem to care. They simply acted as if they never existed. Next year, he let the Who’s throw them out themselves, then interviewed them to determine why they crumpled up their resolutions and tossed them into the trash compactor so quickly. The answer was always the same.

‘Too much, too soon, too fast.’ The Who’s were underprepared!

“Believe me, stealing your resolutions isn’t what I want,” the Grinch shook his head and raised in hands in surrender. “But it’s what you need. And don’t worry, your resolutions will be safe with me. I’ll even take them back to my workshop, fix ‘em up, shine ‘em, make ‘em look nice and pretty and approachable. In the mean time, you’ll need something that will give you a boost, help you focus, spark your metabolism, pack you with antioxidants, vitamins, and minerals! What you need …” the Grinch reached into his sac and pulled out a green container with his face plastered on the side and held it as if he was on a billboard, “… are Grinch Greens.”

“Please, Mister Grin—” began Dorothy, but the Grinch continued on.

“Grinch Greens. A specially formulated powder designed to help the old you, help the new you.”

“Mister Grinch, we really should be—” Dorothy tried again, but the Grinch interrupted her.

“Did I mention that they’ll help your heart grow three sizes?”

“Three sizes!” said Tin Man. He snatched the jar.

“Fantastic. Now,” the Grinch took out a notepad. “Name and resolution.”

“Tin Man. And I want to start a dance academy.”

The Grinch nodded, “ Mm. Admirable. Look forward to helping you, squeaky. The rest of you! Eat a scoop and tell me your resolutions. Come on, you don’t have all day. That Madman will be here any minute.”

But Dorothy and the others hadn’t been thinking about their New Year’s Resolutions. And the anxiety caused by the reminder that the Madman could be here any minute didn’t help. The hesitation was enough for the Grinch to take action.

“Don’t want to tell me? I have my methods.” the Grinch pulled out a Thinker-Extractor from his sac and forced it onto Dorothy’s head as she struggled. The helmet had all sorts of spinning gadgets and beeping gizmos. When the Grinch strapped it onto Dorothy’s head, a nozzle sprayed water in her face and two steam whistles screamed by her ears. The answer came to Dorothy instantly. To Scarecrow and Lion too.

“I want to write a Broadway show!”

“I’m going to compete on Jeopardy!”

“I’m going to bring back the 80’s and open a retro clothing shoppe!”

The Grinch scribbled the resolutions on his notepad, tucked it into his sac and pulled out three more jars of Grinch Greens. Relieved the robbery was finally over, Dorothy tucked them into her basket beside the turkey dinner, still as fragrant as when she packed it.

“Now, get out of here! There’s another shmuck coming down the road. Max and I have to get ready to trap him.”

It was the Madman. Free from the shackles of the gingerbread army and sea of vines, bellowing with rage as he charged down Candy Cane Road.

“Mister Grinch,” said Dorothy. “Please, you have to hold him here as long as you can.”

“I can only hold him as long as it takes him to give me his resolutions. I don’t make the rules.”

“You’re a robber! Of course, you make the rules.”

“Well in that case, still no. As soon as I get what I want, then he’s free to go. Now scram and enjoy your Grinch Greens! Oh, and careful in the town ahead. Those folks are really paranoid these days.”

The Grinch dove behind the sleigh, the Seussian weapons dropped down into the grickle-grass and behind the Truffula trees, and Max played dead in the middle of Candy Cane Road.

Dorothy and the gang were on their way to Christmas again. Yet, there was a new worry clawing in the back of Dorothy’s mind.

What were the folks in the upcoming town paranoid about?

 

 To be continued ...

 

Next Episode: The Illusion-Free Snack Shack

Subscribe to our newsletter so you don't miss the next episode! 

 And in the mean time, visit Candy Cane Road.

Back to blog

1 comment

These installments are delightful and whimsical!

Stacey

Leave a comment

Please note, comments need to be approved before they are published.